So, instead of love, you focus on your children, your career , and mingling with your friends. And you have every right to shy away from dating and finding love again after divorce and a failed relationship.
Do Not Be Afraid to Love
But, is that really how you feel? Is it really what you want? Are you tapping down a desire to love again and be loved again? If you fall in love and become serious you also become vulnerable. Meaning, you could get your heart broken, lose at love again and find yourself right back where you started from.
We get it, we really do! You can lie to yourself, tell yourself and others that you enjoy your independence, your alone time and not dealing with the hassles that come along with being in a relationship. When you think about the possibility of finding someone new to share your life with, your ex immediately pops into your head. Instead of focusing on the possibilities that come with new love, you focus on the negatives that took place with your old love.
We understand how hard it is to move on, especially when negative emotions from that old relationship are lingering. To rid yourself of your fear of loving again, you have to be confident and hopeful. You can do that! Your marriage ended because he left. He left you holding the bag, with little money, children to raise and a broken heart to mend.
Being left behind is paralyzing, there are no words to describe the pain. Trust in a relationship is a big thing. It becomes even bigger if your ex cheated with other women. After that, trusting a member of the opposite sex to stick around and not hurt you in the process is something else, all together.
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- Not Afraid Of Love.
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The last thing you want is to fall in love with a man who will screw you over. Here is the question we have, though.
Did he reject you sexually? Did he abuse you emotionally? It defines a problem within them, not a problem within you.
So many people hate it and find it downright ugly. You have to open yourself up completely in order for a relationship to work and that means you have to be vulnerable.
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Vulnerability is the path to true emotional and sexual connection with another person. Without allowing yourself to become vulnerable you can never experience true love with a man. So, how do you move past your fear of falling in love again? As anxious people, we have a fear of unexpected things. We like control. We want to be able to prepare. As much as we would like to control everything we can to lessen the anxiety around us, love is something that is uncontrollable.
That leaves us feeling anxious. We worry our illness can become a burden. We have learned to hate this word, burden. The connotation it carries is unfair to at times. But, we understand it. The last thing we want is to feel like we are just making our new lovers life harder on them.
We will pull away. At one point or another in a new relationship, our feelings will get the best of us, and we will retreat back into our turtle shell of loneliness. Because sometimes the world just gets too much. Pulling back is one way to do that for a lot of those who suffer with anxiety.
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We worry about the future. This is a common thing for new people in a relationship, but those with anxiety have an uncontrollable tendency think about those past, present, and possible futures all at once and create a mess of thoughts. Sometimes we can dream of the best future possible and make ourselves happy. And then we also have the innate ability to prepare for the worst and make ourselves sad with over thinking the bad. Those things can be overwhelming. A lot of people with anxiety also have some self esteem issues.