What about incontinence? I peed myself for about 2 week afterwards. Usually if I sneezed or laughed a little would come out. However, once or twice I had a full blown pee pants situation while walking. Also, no one seems to mention the 'uterine massage' right after birth. That was horrible! The fisting of the stomach was a shock to me. It was like something out of a horror movie. Complete with running okay, semi fast walking and screaming. This could have been written about me, all of it.
It's so hilarious too! Haha, I mean the way you wrote it, not actually going through it. I will have to agree with 9 out of the 10… For me anyway the bleeding after my c-section was done by the day we left the hospital, which was the fourth day out. I think it depends on who your doctor is and how your body reacts to giving birth. I have two children. I was laughing so hard reading this that I had to get a box of tissues to wipe the tears from my face. Every statement true. True true true! I thought my crotch was a hot mess and thought, surely this has never happened to anyone else's crotch because no one told me what to expect!!
It's been 2. I think my baby will be an only child. HA HA!!! I love it. Take heart, your body will return to normal, mostly….. I am still fighting some extra weight.
I have 2 boys and between the two of them all of these came true for me. After a vag delivery I was so swollen down there that the period was painfully. I actually had bold clots that felt like I was giving birth again, I thought I was tearing out stitches. I felt pain and didn't know it was a blood clot till after I pushed, yes I had to push, it out and the pain was suddenly gone. I had two babies premature and both spent days in NICU. I want to tell anyone who is feeling guilty because breastfeeding is not going well—do not feel guilty.
I could not even hold my first born for 4 days because he was hooked up to so many tubes. I did my very best with breastfeeding and pumping but didn't make it past 2 months. You are not a bad mother, and your child is not suffering because you gave up on breastfeeding. Both of my sons are healthy, have not suffered ear infections or very many colds and they both were only breast fed for about 2 months. One of my nurses told me that if you were only able to breastfeed for two weeks, your baby has benefitted as much as they would if you had breastfed for one year, because the baby got all that wonderful colostrum.
That nurse was a godsend to me amongst all the lactation consultants constantly in my face about breastfeeding my premature infants. Trust your instincts as a mother and don't EVER let someone make you feel guilty. I love My mom arrived 3 days after my son was born, and I hadn't pooped yet and the first thing I did when I saw her was burst into tears and say, "I think I might have to poop today! Also, the bleeding. I only bled for 2 weeks after, but that was about 12 days longer than I thought I would.
I actually called my doc after a week and she was like, "Uh…and? I also want to warn women that in the hours after delivering, get up and go pee as often as you can. Or else you will pee yourself. I managed that one twice. Poor nurses. I remember looking at my husbands sleeping head and thinking I could smother him with my pillow-since it wasn't being used. And don't forget after labour, somewhere around the 2 month mark — when your spouse starts asking why the house is not cleaner, or if dinner can be ready with more frequency. And the kicker? These are great! I read most, not all, of the comments, so forgive me if I missed someone posting this already..
Try to poo as much as you can before the delivery or you may just accidentally push an extra surprise out in the delivery room. Thanks for the post!
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Nobody ever tells you that your vagina will never be the same again. I don't care how many kegels you do, you will never be your pre-baby fomer self down there. Might be different with a c-section, I don't know. My friend who had a c-section said her vagina was still "trashed.
I was shocked after baby number one, and terrified when pregnant with 2 that if the "vag blow out" is as bad as after the first, I may as well just refer to it as a wet paperbag. Luckily, the main stretch seemed to occur with the first, and after the second it wasn't adding more looseness on top of old looseness, like I had feared. But unpregnant ladies out there…. If you value sex, especially the lovely first moment when your partner enters you…. The guy could be as big as a porn star and he'll be in before you even know it…..
100 little things about pregnancy, birth, and being a first-time mom
Seriously, you have no idea how much I appreciate this! All the women around me are getting preggo and I am so not ready! I knew they were hiding stuff from me… Don't get me wrong, I'm sure I'll be psyched when I take the plunge in hopefully! Thank you sooooo much.
Ten Ways to Take Care of Yourself in Pregnancy • Midwifery Today
My daughter is 5 but the joy and laughter this brought going down memory lane is priceless! More than anything your brutal honesty and that of all the others who commented made reading every page so worth it!
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I am hoping to have another baby and will definitely have this as a part of my readiness kit. Personally I experienced 9 of the 10, breastfeeding was a breeze for me even though I still suffered engorgement and cracked nipples. It was not severely painful like most that I read but what was was the bunch of grapes in the posterior region and extreme lost of hair! Also I know a couple persons mentioned painful sex after but my problem was no so sex drive what so ever….
Let's not forget the numerous trips the nurses make after birth to push on your stomach and help your uterus contract back down. After my first C-section, when the nurse came in at 11 pm to do the first one, I cried the entire time and had to pull myself to each side because it hurt so much. Other than that, I laughed at everything, shaking my head in agreement!
This is very true, but I feel like 3 isn't necessarily true in all cases, I exercised a lot during pregnancy and right after I gave birth I had my flat stomach back with no surgery and have kept the weight off with breastfeeding, other than that, this is very accurate and very funny! This is so funny! I had my babies over 26 years ago and wish that your blog had been around then! My daughter is currently pregnant with my first grandchild and she sent me your link. I love, love, love your humor and the only advice I can give you is to keep doing what you are doing! Enjoy the journey and keep on keepin on!
Sherri R. Very funny. I didn't have all of this. I was hormones to get pregnant so I was already crazy. Luckily i lose weight when prego.
I weighed less after birth. C-section not a biggie. But they told me the pain I had while pregnant was braxton hicks. Nope had the baby still had the pain. Had my gall bladder out 6 weeks after c-section. Rock hard boobs yes. But, don't forget if your baby is not with you and it gets close to feeding time stay AWAY from crying babies. You will leak like a sieve.